Why do people in New Jersey feel
the need to speed? It not just New Jersey - all states of union feel speed limit merely suggestion. Stand-up comic once tell Maggot, "if you come up with good material about bad drivers, it will play anywhere." Maggot agree. Then Maggot kill him. Maggot hate stand-ups.
Which soup is more appropriate
to bring to a Christmas pot luck: tomato or potato leek? Maggot personally prefer tater soup, but during holidays watchword should be festive. Bring tomato and garnish with mistletoe for all-important red-green motif. Mistletoe poisonous. Get enough people to try soup, no need to ask annoying question next year.
I'm thinking of moving into an
apartment with my girlfriend. But she's saying that I can't have the new
16 inch tall Godzilla model from Playing Mantis. How do I convince her
I need to own this and display it in some prominent place? Maggot ask board of experts. Here are suggestions:
Scott has a girlfriend?! And
does this count as a question? Maggot amazed, too. Anything now possible.
I have not had sexual intercourse
with a woman for over four years (ex-wife) Is there any danger that I
will explode or go mad or become deeply religious anything like that.
All these possible. But more likely you develop craving for 16-inch tall Godzilla model from Playing Mantis.
I am a recent college graduate living on my own. I work at the library of the college I graduated from, and I recently finished my second novel and am in the process of polishing it up to send to publishers. Lately, however, I have not been writing anything new, and I have not been doing theater, which used to be extremely important to me. I find myself often frustrated, confused, and unsure of myself and my place in the world; it drives me crazy when I can't write, and I don't know if I should start acting again or not. For the first time in my life,
there are no grades, no semester, and no class. Is my ennui a result of
withdrawal from formalized education, and the subesequent lack of structure
that accompanies that withdrawal, or am I suffering from something far
more abstract and sinister, like ebolli? Please advise. Sudden loss of structure in life often lead to depression. Best solution is to create new structure. This hard, but new structure yours, not forced on you from outside. Easier solution is to join military or brainwashing religious cult - then you find out pretty darn fast you much rather be writing or acting. Better yet, just come over here and let Maggot kill you.
If a tree falls on a mime in
forest and no one's around, does anyone care? No.
What is the meaning of life?
Why are we here? Maggot thought we already cover this.
Ginger or Mary Ann? Silly question. Mary Ann. Mary Ann or Jeanie? Sillier question. Still Mary Ann. Magic bad! Magic evil!! You knew it'd come to this...
Wilma or Betty? Betty. Definitely Betty. Especially if last name Page. Rowr! Daisy Mae or
Wrangler Jane? Now you just being silly. Those people not real.
Who is this Dr.
Freex, what doctoral program did he take, and how do I apply? Billy, Billy, Billy. Dr. Freex not real, either. Even if he real, he just put on lab coat and narrow black tie like Whit Bissel in Teenage Werewolf. Also important to have lab in office building. It fun. Try sometime!
How can I get over
my fear of large avacado-shaped comic book nerds with nasal voices? Really,
they scare me, even though I'm a comic book fan myself. (In my own defense,
I'm more pear-shaped then avacado-shaped) Impossible to get over fear of large avacado-shaped comic book nerds with nasal voices. Why? Large avacado-shaped comic book nerds with nasal voices actually shoggoths. Tekeli-li! Tekeli-li!
While doing a load
of laundry in my apartment building's laundry room, I noticed a small
metal door on the wall marked "incinerator". Would it be inadvisable to
dispose of troublesome garbage (i.e. arms, feet, heads, etc.) in there?
The recycling people don't seem to want it. Thanks. Sure, that what little door there for. Also throw in chunks of cured wood for pleasant hickory aroma. Ha! Maggot have Martha Stewart moment!
Why is it that when
I ask a woman out, I invariably end up not only being told no, but also
waking up hours later, with no recollection of what happened, in a farmers
field somewhere in the central valley, watching a strange dancing light
quickly retreating overhead? Sound like typical college student weekend to Maggot. What is problem?
Who would win in
a fight? Inframan or a power ranger? Inframan. He have uncanny ability to flash back to scene that never happen to find way out of death trap. Also do everything three times. Power Rangers only once. They not even have mouths.
Do bears really crap in the woods?
Why does sour cream have an expiration date? What does the 33 on the Rolling
Rock bottle stand for? Did Jack Tatum really touch the football first
in the Immaculate Reception? Does anyone seriuosly think a toupee looks
good? Why did the Taliban make every man wear a beard? Where are Areas
1-50, as well as Hangars 1-17? Who failed at their job of preventing Yahoo
Serious from having a film career? How come you can tune a piano but you
can't tune a fish? You ask too many questions. Maggot must kill you now.
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