Sorry, Stomp Tokyo has closed its doors.

April 1, 2003

For the last six years, the writers at Stomp Tokyo have brought you humorous reviews of the worst movies Hollywood had to offer. However, the well seems to have run dry: filmmaking technology and techniques have progressed to the point that no one seems to be making bad movies anymore.

We have come to this conclusion after noticing the following facts and trends, all of which seem to indicate that Hollywood filmmakers know how to make quality entertainment, regularly and reliably:

• Oscar buzz surrounding David Arquette's performance in the new film Stealing Sinatra, from the director of The Adventures of Pluto Nash.

• The new law mandating that Kirsten Dunst be given a role in every Hollywood film.

• Leonard, Parts 1 - 5 are in development.

• Film versions of several Andrew Lloyd Weber musicals are heading towards production.

• We heard that Freddie Prinze Jr. was recently locked in a trunk and dropped to the bottom of the sea.

• A whopping two year hiatus in Albert Pyun films.

• Reports indicate that Carrot Top has successfully been contained within the Annoying Celebrity Long Distance Telephone Commercial Quarantine Program.

• A musical just won Best Picture at the Academy Awards.

As you can see, the chances that anyone in Hollywood could produce a crappy movie have dropped to practically zero. There just doesn't seem to be a point in maintaining a site that focuses on the negative aspects of the cinematic past when the industry has so clearly learned its lessons.

We thank you for your years of loyal readership, but we now realize that you don't need us anymore. We'll see you at the movies, where you're guaranteed a grandly entertaining experience every time.