Halloween: The Curse of Michael Myers

"I could have scored if you hadn't showed up!" Young Tommy Doyle beats on Michael Myers with a pipe.

Halloween: The Curse of Michael Myers is widely regarded as the worst film in the Halloween series, and rightfully so. This sixth film in the series shows the most promise of bringing up some really interesting new developments, and promptly fails to follow through on them. It conjures up some nice atmospheric moments and scenery, but nothing really happens in that atmosphere or amongst that scenery. In short, it's the worst because it fails so utterly in all of its implicit promises -- promises which, if kept, could have made this film the best in the series since the original.

Case in point: the plot. The writer cleverly re-introduces Tommy Doyle (Paul Rudd from Clueless), the boy who was in Laurie Strode's babysitting care the night of the original Halloween. Doyle has since become an authority on Myers and his laughably "Druidic" background, but does that knowledge ever once help him avoid or defeat Myers during the film? No! He beats on Michael with a pipe! Anybody could have done that! We could have done that!

Similarly, we are led to believe that Kara Strode (how many freaking Strodes are there?) and her illegitimate son, Danny, may be related in some way to Myers, but does the script ever let us in on the nature of those relationships? Not even vaguely, despite a throwaway bit where the young Danny pulls a knife on his grandfather. In fact, the most stunning revelation in the film, the identity of the Man in Black who breaks Michael out of jail in Halloween 5, is stunning only in its utter stupidity.

Aaahh! It's a zombie! Oh wait, it's only Donald Pleasence.

A few more complaints:

The "Druidic" nature of Michael's evil power to take all sorts of abuse is referred to several times during the movie's accursed ninety minutes, but at the end of the film we are taunted with the possibility that the Man in Black's fascination with Michael may be of a scientific nature. That, however, is all we get.

The characters in this film are just plain dumb. The new Strode family (related to the original Strodes through John Strode, the brother of the Laurie Strode's adopted father, we assume) lives in the Myers house, despite the fact that they are real estate agents. Somehow, though, none of the family (except Dad) seems to know the house's history. Wouldn't someone have clued them in after a few months of living in Haddonfield?

Also, the new Strode family is so thoroughly unpleasant we were actually happy when they started to die. We suspect that they were the finalists in the All-Illinois Most Dysfunctional Family Not Named Manson contest. The father, John, in particular seems to have every disgusting character trait possible.

Donald Pleasence shows up as Dr. Loomis one last time (he died shortly after completing this film), and time has not been kind to him. He looks old and tired, and his once commanding voice has been reduced to a rasp. As a final insult, in the finished version of the film (more on this later), Loomis doesn't have a very important role in the action. It probably would have been best if they had just left him out altogether.

"Okay Michael, you can have your security blanket back!" Tommy Doyle reveals the real reason Myers went on a killing spree.

Halloween 6 is the kind of horror movie that doesn't try to build suspense, but instead gives us buckets of fake-looking gore. There are scenes in which Michael mushes a guy through iron bars, guts someone with a motorized farm implement, and blows someone's head off with house current. The scariest thing we saw in the movie was the washing machine in the Strode's basement.

It's amazing to see how far from their source the Halloween movies have come. Michael Myers started as a total maniac, driven by an irrational urge to kill copulating teenagers. Now he has become part of some huge conspiracy, called Thorn (after a Druidic rune), which is trying to create Pure Evil. Michael is their enforcer, as well as their object of worship. We now find out that the Man in Black originally exhorted Michael to kill his sister. Meanwhile,we have whole new branches added onto Michael's family tree. It's an unholy mess, but as part of our services to you, we present a handy Halloween timeline. This does not include Halloween: H20, which we haven't seen yet.

1961 - Laurie Myers is born.

1963 - Michael Myers kills his sister on Halloween night in Haddonfield IL. He is six years old.

1965 - The Myers family dies (How?). Laurie is adopted by the Strodes, though her true parents are kept secret from her.

1978 - Michael escapes from Smith's Grove sanitarium. He returns to Haddonfield and goes on a killing spree (as seen in Halloween). He tracks Larie Strode to a hospital where he and Dr. Loomis apparently die in an explosion (as seen in Halloween II).

1980(?) - Jamie Lloyd, daughter of Laurie Strode (now Laurie Lloyd) is born. Father unknown.

1987(?) - Laurie Lloyd and her unnamed husband are killed in an accident. Jamie is adopted by the Corruthers family.

1988 - Oops, Michael was only mostly dead after being blown up. He escapes from a maximum security prison hospital where he has been held while in a coma. Loomis also survived, God only knows how. Michael returns to Haddonfield, where he attemps to kill Jamie. Michael is buried down a mine shaft (as seen in Halloween 4). Danny Strode is born to Kara Strode (who is in turn the niece of the couple who adopted Laurie).

1989 - Michael escapes from the mine shaft, and returns to Haddonfield in order to kill a whole bunch of people on his way to kill Jamie Lloyd. He is eventually subdued and taken into custody by the police, but is freed by the mysterious Man in Black (Halloween 5). Jamie Lloyd, who is about 10 years old, is kidnapped by Thorn.

1995 - Jamie Lloyd, who has been held Thorn this whole time, gives birth. She espcapes with the child, but is killed by Michael. Michael stalks Tommy Doyle and Kara Strode, who are now in possesion of the child. The film climaxes at Smith's Grove sanitarium, where Thorn is apparently doing scientific experiments involving Myers' DNA. Loomis enters the building one last time, apparently to confront Michael, who was beaten into submission with a pipe by Tommy Doyle (Halloween 6).

Some final thoughts on this waste of a movie. There exists a "Producer's Cut" of Halloween 6, available on the bootleg market, which apparently explains more of what is going on in the sanitarium, as well as giving viewers a totally different finale. We haven't seen it, and it sounds like it explains some things that need to be explained, like that Danny is Michael's son, and it really hypes up the Druid angle. However, we doubt that it could be much better a film. No matter how you cut it, Halloween 6 has strayed so far from what made Halloween a success that nothing could redeem it.