2002's The Santa Clause 2 may have been an unnecessary sequel, but at least it had a bit more heart to it than expected thanks to a likeable romantic subplot that carried throughout it. That being said, I don't think anyone was begging Disney for a third installment. Regardless, we got one, and The Santa Clause 3: The Escape Clause is quite possibly the most soulless and forced sequel I've seen in a while. Completely lacking the charm and warmth of earlier installments, this Clause is an unfunny and obnoxious Yuletide romp as two comic actors are forced to wade through pathetic material that could never possibly be funny, no matter how much they try to ham it up. Completely bankrupt in terms of humor and imagination, with any luck, this stinky little lump of cinematic coal won't be in theaters for long.

As the holiday season rapidly approaches, the pressures are building for Scott Calvin/Santa (Tim Allen). Aside from making sure all the toys are ready in time for Christmas, his wife Carol (Elizabeth Mitchell) is pregnant and due to deliver any day. Carol is starting to get homesick living in the North Pole and misses her family, so Scott concocts a plan to invite her parents (played by Alan Arkin and Ann-Margret respectively) up to visit them. But with toy production taking up so much of his time, Scott barely has time to spend with his visiting family, and is starting to distance himself from the ones he loves. Even worse, the scheming Jack Frost (Martin Short) is making plans of his own in order to take over Scott's position as Santa. It seems that Jack is tired of all the attention going to Santa, and he wants in on the glory by not only taking over the Santa role, but by also converting the workshop into a glitzy and tacky tourist attraction where parents can pay to put their kids' names on the "Nice" list. Time is running out for Scott to not only fix things with his family, but to also save Christmas itself.

The Santa Clause 3 is as cold and crass as any holiday film could be, and that includes Tim Allen's last Christmas comedy, the terrible Christmas With the Kranks. Even though the movie's plot has some workable elements such as time travel and a It's a Wonderful Life-style alternate reality where Jack Frost is Santa, and Scott Calvin finds himself a tyrannical business man shut off from his family, it does absolutely nothing with its own ideas. These scenes could have led to some actual heartfelt sentiment, but instead the filmmakers breeze right over this and give us a terrible musical number where Martin Short embarrasses himself. The last two films at least took some time out away from the chaotic and childish world of the North Pole, and gave us a reason to care about the characters. Here, the overly cute elves and the farting reindeer take center stage, along with the very obnoxious Jack Frost. This is a complete and total miscalculation on the part of screenwriters Ed Decter and John J Strauss (There's Something About Mary). It's funny how the plot revolves so much around family, yet family plays such a small part in the actual plot itself. This is simply an excuse to squeeze out more money from the franchise, and it shows in just about every worthless frame of film. The screenplay also wastes some comic potential with Scott trying to pass the North Pole off as Canada. (He doesn't want Carol's parents to know that he's actually Santa Claus.) What could have led to some clever laughs is simply tossed aside and almost forgotten about for most of the 90-minute running time.

A lot of the aspects that worked in previous films have returned, but this time, they come across as cold and distant since the film cares so little about them. The charmingly retro design of the North Pole and the special effects, which have always been heavily inspired by the old Christmas specials that play on TV every year, now come across as chintzy and tacky. The Council of Legendary Figures, which include such icons as Mother Nature, the Easter Bunny and The Sandman, are now restricted to a mere cameo. It's a shame, because the idea is holiday and mythical icons working together is a clever idea, and the movie is too creatively bankrupt to even care. Also restricted to cameos are Scott's old family from before he became Santa, who are here simply to cash a paycheck, and may as well have just sat this one out instead of having this movie on their individual resumes. Everyone seems lost and adrift, almost as if they were just going through the motions. All good holiday films need a life and spark to them to make them click with audiences. The Santa Clause 3 comes across as being about as natural as those fake Christmas trees that are put up in department stores as early as October.

You can tell that no one cared about this particular project almost from the beginning. The original actors have all returned, but bring none of their enthusiasm with them. Tim Allen seems to be trying, but not as hard as he used to. He doesn't even really seem to be enjoying himself, and that's almost a crime when you're supposed to be playing Santa Claus. Martin Short hams it up as much as he can in his evil role and seems to be having a lot of fun, but unfortunately, none of that fun carries through into the film itself. He actually comes across as more creepy and unlikeable than the funny and over the top villain that the filmmakers intended. Returning co-stars Elizabeth Mitchell, Eric Lloyd, Wendy Crewson and Judge Reinhold are all given very little to do and simply fade into the background. In fact, the only performances that come close to standing out are Alan Arkin and Ann-Margret as Carol's visiting parents. Though they never actually made me laugh, they made me smile a couple times, which is more than anyone else in this movie was able to pull off. Besides that, the only other performance that comes to mind is delivered by child actor Spencer Breslin as Santa's head elf, and that's only because he delivers most of his lines with an annoying lisp.

The Santa Clause and its first sequel certainly weren't classics, but they at least had some things working for them, and that's a lot more than I can say for this installment. The Santa Clause 3 smells of rush job in just about every way. It does absolutely nothing to advance the story and the characters, and it only exists because the last one became a surprise hit four years ago. With the far more imaginative and witty Flushed Away opening the same weekend, there's simply no excuse to take your kids to see this junk. Heck, the children in my audience seemed just as bored as their accompanying adults. It always amazes me when a movie with so little to offer anyone comes along, because it makes me wonder why anyone even bothered in the first place. The best gift we could give the Disney Studio concerning The Santa Clause 3 is to save our money, and let them know that we won't settle for bottom of the barrel family entertainment like this. But, I guess keeping kids away from this movie would take a real Christmas miracle.

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