The 2nd Annual Reel Stinkers Awards
The year is drawing to a close, and we all know what that means. It's time for me to take one last look back at the films that wasted my money and my time. That's right, it's time for me to recap the worst films of the year. As usual, I'll be recapping my top 5 picks, followed by the Dishonorable Mentions, and then I'll be handing out some individual awards. I truly hope no one has to come in contact with these movies, and if you paid good money to see them like I did, then I truly apologize. So, what do you say we get started, so I don't have to waste anymore time thinking about these movies.
5. DADDY DAY CAMP - Easily the worst sequel to hit theaters this year, this was a nightmarish attempt to turn a forgettable Eddie Murphy family comedy from a few years ago into a franchise. Murphy was too smart to be suckered in, as was the rest of the cast from the original film, so instead we got Cuba Gooding Jr giving what should be a career-ending performance as a dad trying to save a struggling summer camp. The jokes in this movie will make you long for the sophisticated humor of Ernest Goes to Camp, and the obnoxious kids who constantly scream through the movie will make you long for a bottle of headache medicine or a baseball bat so you can destroy the film projector and end the misery sooner. Completely unwatchable, and one of the worst family films to come in years.
4. PERFECT STRANGER - This lame erotic suspense thiller has very little that could be considered erotic, and even less of anything that remotely resembles suspense. Halle Berry and Bruce Willis embarrass themselves in this movie that tries to fool us into thinking it's going somewhere and that we're supposed to figure it out. The problem is, the movie never goes anywhere, and the film's final twist is so out of left field and comes out of nowhere, it's impossible for the audience to even try figuring it out. Not that it really mattered anyway, since there are no right or wrong answers here. Just one very stupid movie that constantly toys with us and then blows up in our face, leaving us walking out of the theater very angry.
3. EPIC MOVIE - There have been a lot of lame parody movies the past couple years, but none quite as bad as this. A hodgepodge of movie references and lame visual gags, the makers of this film often don't even try to be funny. They just try to throw in as many movie references as they possibly can into one movie, and hope that we laugh out of recognition. Of course, it's not funny just to put Storm Troopers or James Bond in your movie, you have to give them something to do to make us laugh. This movie plays like the worst Mad Magazine movie parody ever made that somehow got turned into a movie. The worst part is the makers of this film aren't done killing the parody genre yet, as they have a parody of 300 called Meet the Spartans coming next year. I truly hope that after Date Movie and now this, America realizes these guys have no talent for comedy, and lets their next movie die at the box office so we can all move on.
2. CAPTIVITY - Horror movies can do a lot of things other than just scare us. They can thrill us, they can make us laugh, and they can sometimes capture our imagination. Captivity doesn't want to do any of these things. It's a 90 minute geek show where an innocent woman is captured and tortured over and over again. There is no plot and there is no point, other than watching this woman make stupid decisions so that she can be tortured some more. It all builds to a predictable, yet still completely ludicrous, final plot twist that the audience can see coming a mile away. It's kind of hard to keep the identity of your madman a secret when there's only 4 or 5 characters in the entire movie. An ugly, vile, and stupid movie that should have gone straight to DVD, or better yet, not even been made at all.
1. (TIE) NORBIT AND WHO'S YOUR CADDY? - When I reiviewed Who's Your Caddy back in July, I said that it had taken the crown as the worst film of 2007 away from the previous holder, Norbit. But the more I thought about it, the more I began to realize just how deserving both of these films were. They're both modern day Minstrel Shows, showcasing negative black and racial stereotypes for cheap amusement. They're both virtually unwatchable. And they're both deserving of the title of Worst Film. The only difference is that Norbit actually made money, had a big budget, and had a big marketing push. It simply boggles my mind that movies that exist simply to disgust and enforce dated stereotypes can still get made in this day and age. Both of these movies made me feel more disgusted than any other bad movie I walked out of this year, so they are both more than worthy of the title.
DISHONORABLE MENTIONS:
THE WORST FILMS OF 2007
5. DADDY DAY CAMP - Easily the worst sequel to hit theaters this year, this was a nightmarish attempt to turn a forgettable Eddie Murphy family comedy from a few years ago into a franchise. Murphy was too smart to be suckered in, as was the rest of the cast from the original film, so instead we got Cuba Gooding Jr giving what should be a career-ending performance as a dad trying to save a struggling summer camp. The jokes in this movie will make you long for the sophisticated humor of Ernest Goes to Camp, and the obnoxious kids who constantly scream through the movie will make you long for a bottle of headache medicine or a baseball bat so you can destroy the film projector and end the misery sooner. Completely unwatchable, and one of the worst family films to come in years.4. PERFECT STRANGER - This lame erotic suspense thiller has very little that could be considered erotic, and even less of anything that remotely resembles suspense. Halle Berry and Bruce Willis embarrass themselves in this movie that tries to fool us into thinking it's going somewhere and that we're supposed to figure it out. The problem is, the movie never goes anywhere, and the film's final twist is so out of left field and comes out of nowhere, it's impossible for the audience to even try figuring it out. Not that it really mattered anyway, since there are no right or wrong answers here. Just one very stupid movie that constantly toys with us and then blows up in our face, leaving us walking out of the theater very angry.3. EPIC MOVIE - There have been a lot of lame parody movies the past couple years, but none quite as bad as this. A hodgepodge of movie references and lame visual gags, the makers of this film often don't even try to be funny. They just try to throw in as many movie references as they possibly can into one movie, and hope that we laugh out of recognition. Of course, it's not funny just to put Storm Troopers or James Bond in your movie, you have to give them something to do to make us laugh. This movie plays like the worst Mad Magazine movie parody ever made that somehow got turned into a movie. The worst part is the makers of this film aren't done killing the parody genre yet, as they have a parody of 300 called Meet the Spartans coming next year. I truly hope that after Date Movie and now this, America realizes these guys have no talent for comedy, and lets their next movie die at the box office so we can all move on.2. CAPTIVITY - Horror movies can do a lot of things other than just scare us. They can thrill us, they can make us laugh, and they can sometimes capture our imagination. Captivity doesn't want to do any of these things. It's a 90 minute geek show where an innocent woman is captured and tortured over and over again. There is no plot and there is no point, other than watching this woman make stupid decisions so that she can be tortured some more. It all builds to a predictable, yet still completely ludicrous, final plot twist that the audience can see coming a mile away. It's kind of hard to keep the identity of your madman a secret when there's only 4 or 5 characters in the entire movie. An ugly, vile, and stupid movie that should have gone straight to DVD, or better yet, not even been made at all.
1. (TIE) NORBIT AND WHO'S YOUR CADDY? - When I reiviewed Who's Your Caddy back in July, I said that it had taken the crown as the worst film of 2007 away from the previous holder, Norbit. But the more I thought about it, the more I began to realize just how deserving both of these films were. They're both modern day Minstrel Shows, showcasing negative black and racial stereotypes for cheap amusement. They're both virtually unwatchable. And they're both deserving of the title of Worst Film. The only difference is that Norbit actually made money, had a big budget, and had a big marketing push. It simply boggles my mind that movies that exist simply to disgust and enforce dated stereotypes can still get made in this day and age. Both of these movies made me feel more disgusted than any other bad movie I walked out of this year, so they are both more than worthy of the title.Now that we have the big guns out of the way, let's take a look at the movies that almost made it. Even if they didn't make it into one of the top spots, these movies are still right up there with the previous films.
DISHONORABLE MENTIONS:Code Name: The Cleaner, Stomp the Yard, Happily N'Ever After, Arthur and the Invisbiles, Alpha Dog, Primeval, Blood and Chocolate, Because I Said So, Daddy's Little Girls, Ghost Rider, The Number 23, Wild Hogs, Premonition, Shooter, The Hills Have Eyes 2, Peaceful Warrior, Are We Done Yet?, Firehouse Dog, Pathfinder, The Condemned, Kickin' It Old Skool, The Invisible, Delta Farce, The Ex, Mr. Brooks, Hostel Part II, Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer, D.O.A. - Dead Or Alive, Evan Almighty, Evening, License to Wed, I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry, I Know Who Killed Me, Underdog, Rush Hour 3, Skinwalkers, Mr. Bean's Holiday, Halloween, Dragon Wars, Mr. Woodcock, Good Luck Chuck, Feast of Love, The Game Plan, The Final Season, The Comebacks, Sarah Landon and the Paranormal Hour, P2, August Rush, Hitman, The Perfect Holiday, National Treasure: Book of Secrets, P.S. I Love You, Alien vs. Predator: Requiem, The Bucket List
THE INDIVIDUAL REEL STINKER AWARDS:
WORST SEQUEL:
Daddy Day Camp
MOST UNNECESSARY SEQUEL:
The Hills Have Eyes 2
WORST PERFORMANCE BY A GOOD ACTOR/ACTRESS:
Steve Carell in Evan Almighty
WORST PERFORMANCE BY A BAD ACTOR/ACTRESS:
Rob Schneider in I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry
MOST OVERRATED FILM:
Knocked Up
WORST ANIMATED FILM:
Happily N'Ever After
WORST MOVIE TREND:
Modern day Minstrel Shows (see Norbit and Who's Your Caddy?)
WORST POTENTIAL FRANCHISE:
Sarah Landon and the Paranormal Hour
WORST TITLE:
(tie) Who's Your Caddy? and Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium
WORST TORTURE HORROR FILM:
Captivity
WORST REMAKE:
Halloween
WORST IDEA FOR A MOVIE THAT NEVER COULD HAVE WORKED:
Norbit
Well, there you have it. These are the movies that made me question my love for film in the first place. With this article, I draw a curtain upon them, and hope I never have to watch or speak of them ever again. My list of the best of the year is still on the way. I'm still waiting for a couple films to get out of limited release, but I promise to have it up soon.
As 2008 approaches, here's to hoping the next year holds a lot of promise. Happy viewing to one and all.
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