Movies like Never Back Down make me glad I don't give star ratings in my reviews, because honestly, I don't know how the heck I'd score it. This is definitely a bad movie in a lot of ways. It's derivative, it's hard to get excited about anything going on up there on the screen, and it has a fast-paced music video editing style that seems catered to hyper active teens. And yet, I cannot deny that a lot of parts of this movie left me with a big, goofy grin on my face. The screenplay by Chris Hauty (whose single other screenplay credit is for 1996's Homeward Bound sequel) holds so many unintentional laughs in its dialogue and how seriously it takes everything, I imagine the filmmakers have a lot of outtakes of the actors just bursting into fits of laughter. If Hauty had just let loose a little bit more, he'd be delving into the realm of parody, and I'd probably be giving his movie a much more favorable review.

The plot is old hat, as is to be expected. Jake Tyler (Sean Faris) is an angry teen with a past, since he was in the same car accident when his father was killed. His long-suffering mom (Leslie Hope) has decided the family needs a new start and moves them all to Orlando, because Jake's younger brother (Wyatt Smith) is a budding tennis prodigy and has a chance for a scholarship. Jake's new high school is one of those high schools where everyone's 25-years-old, and have the kind of bodies you only see in weight training equipment commercials. Everyone at school is also apparently into underground mixed martial arts fights, as they hold lavish parties in their mansions built around kicking the crap out of each other. Jake is lured into such a party by a pretty young girl named Baja (Amber Heard), who just happens to be dating the school bully and all-around fight champion, Ryan McCarthy (Cam Gigandet). Ryan coaxes Jake into a fight by bringing up Jake's dead father (boy, word travels fast in Orlando), and thoroughly kicks his ass in front of all of Jake's new friends. It's then that Jake's nerdy new best friend, Max (Evan Peters) introduces him to a local gym that specializes in martial arts run by a wise old coach and instructor named Jean Roqua (Djimon Hounsou), who will take Jake under his wing and teach him not to fight out of anger, but out of passion and spirit. Of course, this still won't stop Jake from beating the life out of anyone who challenges him during the course of the film.

Much like this weekend's other release, Doomsday, Never Back Down takes a whole bunch of popular films, sticks them in a blender, and then creates some kind of mutated love-child out of the various ingredients. The setting and world the teens live in seems to be lifted directly from TV's The O.C. The underground martial arts tournaments that the kids frequently participate in are from Fight Club. And the plot itself is basically a retread of 1984's The Karate Kid. There's not a single moment in the movie we can't predict, because we've seen it all before. I don't think I've delving into spoiler territory when I say that Jake loses the fight the first time he goes up against Ryan. After all, the movie is only 20 minutes old or so when this happens. I also don't think it will be a shock to anyone that the film's climax will be built around Jake and Ryan having a rematch at the ultimate underground mixed martial arts championship, The Beatdown. I won't say who wins, but you probably have a good idea who stands as the victor when the end credits come. The total derivative nature of the plot, and the movie's insistence on completely playing by expectations makes it hard to get excited about anything that happens. It's like a song you used to like, but have heard way too many times before. All the right notes are there, but they just don't register anymore. The wooden performances on display certainly don't help matters. As a hero, young Sean Faris has a likable screen presence, but there's nothing behind his performance here. He seems to know he's stuck in a cliche instead of a real character, and is just going through the motions. Amber Heard as the female lead and Cam Gigandet as the villain don't hold up much better. Only Djimon Hounsou (a two time Academy Award nominee) seems to bring any real passion to his role as the coach.

There are but two saving graces that prevent Never Back Down from being a complete waste of time. The first is that the fight scenes are surprisingly well done and pretty brutal for a PG-13 rated movie. I wouldn't go so far as to say they're realistic, but they are well shot and edited in such a way that we can get a clear view of the action. The other saving grace is the total flat-out ridiculous nature of the movie itself. It's not really the fact that these spoiled wealthy kids hold regular martial arts tournaments in their backyards without their parents knowing, though it must be hard wiping away all that blood before the parents get home. Actually, now that I think about it, aside from Jake and one scene where we meet Ryan's father, these kids don't seem to have parents. Then again, these "kids" all look like they're old enough to legally drink alcohol. I also loved the movie's mentality. The rivalry between Jake and Ryan is never really developed, so it has to keep on coming up with contrived situations for them to fight. They only share I think a total of three scenes together, and for a good part of the film, Ryan leaves Jake alone. So, in order to lead to the final standoff, the screenplay has Ryan beat up Jake's friend, Max, for no particular reason. That way, Jake can say he has to fight Ryan so that he doesn't have to ever again. I also love it how they have a throwaway scene that reveals that Ryan's father is a total jerk, seemingly explaining why the character is the way he is. It'd probably have more emotional impact if the actor playing the father didn't ham it up so much. The movie is full of unintentionally hilarious moments that hold a perverse form of entertainment in how seriously the actors take the material, while the audience is fighting back their laughter.

I did not like Never Back Down, but I'd be lying if I didn't say the movie is enjoyable in a strange way for all the wrong reasons. I was somewhat grateful for the film's ridiculous nature, as it takes what should have been a derivative and boring teen drama, and turns it into an unintentional laugh riot. I'm sure that director Jeff Wadlow did not aim for this reaction, but this is what he has given us. This is an over the top, boneheaded teen soap opera that takes itself way too seriously, and strangely ends up being a little bit better off because of it.

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