When Rob Zombie brought us his remake of Halloween in 2007, it reeked of corporate greed. Whereas the original 1978 John Carpenter film was a true suspense film and a labor of love, Zombie's version was just a crude attempt to cash in on the famous name. Now we have Halloween II, which is not only a greedy movie (Zombie originally stated he had no plans to do a sequel, but changed his mind when the last movie made money.), but it's also a vile, ugly, and contemptible one.

There's no reason for anyone to see this movie. There's also no real way to defend it. There's no style, no detectable plot, and no fully developed ideas. It's a murky, gloomy, depressing experience. I have nothing against movies that are dark. They can be very enjoyable as long as the filmmaker is trying to make a point or has a vision. If this movie does have a vision, it seems to want to be an endurance test. There were many times when I wanted to bolt for the theater door and let the outside world wash the film's images from my mind. But, I toughed it out, hoping that a scene would come along that would explain why this movie needed to be made. It never came. All we get are a lot of images of depression and brutality until the end credits come. Anyone who pays to see this movie at a theater that is also showing The Hurt Locker (a film with more suspense than anything this movie musters) gets what they deserve.

Before I start talking about this movie and why you should not see it, let's clear the air - The movie is not a remake of 1981's Halloween II. The opening 20 minutes or so are set in and around a hospital, which seem to be an homage to that film, but it all turns out to be an elaborate dream sequence. The returning heroine, Laurie Strode (Scout Taylor-Compton), has gone from a happy and bright teen in the first movie, to a morose little thing who dresses in black, has a lot of nightmares about Michael Myers, and screams a lot. She's living with two survivors from the original movie - Annie (Danielle Harris), and Annie's father, the Sheriff (Brad Dourif). All three of them sit around, looking glum, as if Michael is on their minds a lot. It would be hard for him not to be. The one year anniversary of his rampage the previous Halloween is coming up, and Michael's former therapist, Dr. Sam Loomis (Malcolm McDowell), is all over television, promoting a trashy new book he's written about his former patient and the murders. McDowell's presence in this film is strange indeed, as his scenes often seem to belong in a different movie altogether. The strangest scene is when he goes on a talk show where "Weird Al" Yankovic is the co-host. I expect a lot of things in a Halloween movie. Weird Al is not one of them.

Meanwhile, Michael Myers himself (Tyler Mane) survived the last movie, and has been living as a hobo the past year. He begins to have visions of his dead mother (Sherie Moon Zombie) on a white horse, along with visions of himself as a child (Chase Wright Vanek), who tell him it's time to track Laurie down again. How does he know where she lives now? Never mind, I guess. A better question is what was Zombie thinking when he included so many of these bizarre dream sequences and visions that Michael keeps on having? They make less sense as the movie goes on, and eventually turn into an excuse for the director to throw a lot of random images and strange special effects up on the screen. When Michael's not having cryptic visits from ghost mom, he murders anyone unfortunate enough to get in his way. These murder scenes are murky, brutal, and vile. They often come across as grisly images that make little sense, while screams and pitiful cries ring out on the soundtrack. There is a strong undercurrent of hopelessness throughout the entire movie. This can be a powerful thing in the right hands, but this movie uses it like a gimmick. It takes a morbid delight in its own pain and suffering. This is entertainment for masochists.

For those of you who never bothered to watch the last movie, this one features no exposition or explanation about the characters or how they relate to each other. They're simply up there on the screen to suffer until Myers comes along and stabs them mercilessly. It doesn't tell a story. It wallows in its own misery, gives us a couple killings, then sends us home. When you consider how much a great horror movie can do, Halloween II seems like even more of a cheat. Horror can be exhilarating, funny, sad, exciting, and even oddly touching sometimes. This movie does not accomplish any of this in its 100 minutes. It doesn't create a single emotion except contempt for the filmmakers. Whatever a theater is charging for such an experience, it's too much. As if all that's not bad enough, the film's ending leaves a sour taste in our mouths. It saves the final insult for right before it lets us get back to our lives.
I advise anyone who is considering watching this movie to think twice. There are a lot of good movies out there right now - Movies that can do so much more than this does. Don't let it steal your precious time and attention. If you want to be scared, there are much better alternatives out there. This is one of the absolute worst films of 2009.

See the movie times in your area or buy the DVD at Amazon.com!

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