The last time director Nelson McCormick and screenwriter J.S. Cardone teamed up to do a thriller, we got 2008's remake of Prom Night, one of the worst horror films of that year. They're back with another remake, this time of The Stepfather - a cult classic from the mid 80s that's mainly remembered for launching the career of actor Terry O'Quinn from TV's Lost. The key difference between the original and the 2009 version? The original is remembered for launching a career, while everyone involved with this take on the story will probably be removing it from their resumes as quickly as possible.

To be fair, this is a much better movie than Prom Night. That movie depressed the hell out of me, while I found this one to be merely bland and mediocre all around. Just like the original, this movie is about a man on a psychotic and insane quest to find the perfect family. He passes himself off as a guy who is trying to move on after his wife and daughter died in a car accident the previous year. He uses this story to pick up lonely single mothers who are visibly getting tired of raising the kids on their own, and want a man to bring stability into their lives. The psycho moves in, passing himself off as a perfect father who stresses the importance of family above all else. Naturally, cracks begin to eventually show in the family. Either the kids start acting up, or his new wife disappoints him in some way. When this happens, he slaughters the entire family, changes his appearance, and then moves on to another family. The film opens with a home decorated for Christmas, and the man shaving and showering, while his previous family all lay dead in the living room. Because the movie is PG-13, it's probably the neatest and tidiest massacre ever captured on film. There's not a single trace of blood on the victims or the room itself. Despite this, we get a scene immediately afterward with cops discussing the crime scene, and saying it was one of the bloodiest sights they've ever seen. I guess they got to see the Unrated Director's Cut of the crime scene.

O'Quinn played the psycho in the original film, and gave a very complex performance, that was simultaneously unnerving and creepy, but also eerily sympathetic in some way. For the remake, we get Dylan Walsh from TV's Nip/Tuck. Walsh plays his character, David Harris, as your typical bland slasher villain. He has the ability to pop up anywhere at a moments notice (accompanied by a jolting sound on the soundtrack), and no matter how hard he tries to stare menacingly at people, he never comes across as being intimidating. David's latest victim is single mother, Susan Harding (Sela Ward). Susan's having a hard time keeping her kids in line, especially eldest son Michael (Penn Badgley, who I hear is popular on the show Gossip Girl, but here displays all the character and charisma of a hunk of wood). Michael's just returned home from a stint at a military school, and wants to try to rebuild his life. When he comes home and sees his mom has a new boyfriend, he's not happy. David seems to be trying too hard to be nice, and there seems to be something off about him. Michael tries to talk about his concerns with his girlfriend, Kelly (Amber Heard), but she doesn't want him causing any trouble, since she's afraid he'll be shipped off to military school again.

Let's talk about Kelly for a moment. She never comes across as a real character, but instead for something for the guys in the audience to look at. Nearly every scene has Ms Heard running about in a revealing swimsuit, undergarments, or some form of outfit that covers up just enough for the MPAA to give the film a teen-friendly rating, but draws plenty of attention to her half-naked figure. Michael also gets plenty of chances to show off his body, since he has a passion for swimming in the backyard pool. At least Heard seems capable of displaying human emotion. As Michael, Penn Badgley seems to struggle when he has to show any emotion other than stone-faced indifference. There's an unintentionally funny scene where Badgley has to produce a single tear to run from his eye, and the amount of time it takes him to produce said tear seems to take much longer than it should. Even when Michael starts snooping around for information on mom's new boyfriend, he never seems all that concerned. Because of this, The Stepfather never creates any real tension.

Not that it could create much tension to start with. The movie is gutless all around. When David starts killing people who get too close to figuring out his secret, such as the old lady across the street who recognizes him on America's Most Wanted, or Susan's lesbian sister (Paige Turco), the movie really starts to show its complete lack of knowledge when it comes to suspense. The stalking scenes are clumsily paced and edited. Even when the scenes fall back on tired old thriller cliches (the screeching cat flying at the victim from off camera right before the killer shows up), it falls flat. The figure jumping out of the shadows may be overused, but it can still get an effective jump out of an audience if done right. Not here. Nothing is done right. The performances are wooden, the pacing is tepid and off, and even the cinematography and camera work is bland.
Could a Stepfather remake have worked? Possibly, if the filmmakers were willing to put a fresh spin on the material. I felt like we were getting a downgrade here. Everything that was memorable before is muted. This begs the question, why even remake a movie if you're going to make it more forgettable? Something tells me that was the last question on anyone's mind when they were making this. Maybe if someone had stopped and asked, we'd have a better movie.

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