In order for a "fish out of water" comedy to work, we need to be amused by the situations that the lead characters find themselves in over their heads in. In order for a romantic comedy to work, we need to like the lead characters and want them to get together by the end. Did You Hear About the Morgans? tries to be both, and fails. This is one of those movies where even the cast doesn't seem to be all that interested.

The film marks the third teaming of writer-director Mark Lawrence and star Hugh Grant. Their last effort was 2007's Music and Lyrics, a likable comedy that got a lot of mileage out of the charm and chemistry of Grant and Drew Barrymore. This time, he's paired with Sarah Jessica Parker, and the connection is never there. They play a feuding New York married couple named Paul and Meryl Morgan, who are on the brink of divorce for various reasons. He was unfaithful, and never really got behind the idea of having a child, even though Parker's character really wanted one. Now, she's moved out, and Grant's character is supposed to have seen the error of his ways, and wants to reconcile. We never quite believe this. The chemistry between the actors is never there, so we never get behind that Grant is trying desperately to hold onto what's left of their love. We also never see what drew the two together in the first place. Grant gives his usual performance (charmingly befuddled, constantly stumbling over his own words), while Parker is shrill and somewhat materialistic. If there was anything in the relationship of Paul and Meryl, it left long before the point the movie picks up.

After a tense dinner date, where Paul unsuccessfully tries to make Meryl remember what they once meant to each other, they witness a murder while walking home together. The killer spots them and tracks them down, so the two are forced to go into hiding under witness protection. They're sent to live under assumed names in Ray, Wyoming - a small town filled with so many colorful characters and small town stereotypes, it's a casting director's dream. The Sheriff and his wife are a down home couple played by Sam Elliott and Mary Steenburgen. They're the people the Morgans live with during their time in Ray. They're a nice enough couple, but Paul and Meryl feel uncomfortable around them, because their house is decorated with stuffed and mounted animal heads, and their fridge is stocked top to bottom with large meat carcasses. The joke is supposed to be that Meryl is a strict vegetarian and member of PETA. (ho, ho) I suppose some laughs could be gathered if the movie actually tried to develop the characters and had them facing their differences in an amusing way, but it's too lazy for that. It goes for Sarah Jessica Parker looking at the mounted heads in disgust, stops there, and waits for laughs that never come.

Other residents of Ray include the gruff, grandfather-like owner of the town's only restaurant (Wilford Brimley), a ditzy blonde who holds multiple jobs throughout the town (Kim Shaw), and a simple minded young medical doctor (David Call). These brief descriptions I just gave are the extent of their characters. Did You Hear About the Morgans? is not just lazy in its characters, but also in the pay offs of its gags. Since Paul is so nervous about running into a bear while staying in Ray, it's only natural that he's bound to have an encounter with a rather large one. The best this movie can give us is a scene where Paul stammers mindlessly at the bear for a little while, then runs away. Other gags that have absolutely no pay off include scenes where Paul tries to chop firewood, and a scene where Meryl tries to milk a cow. So, not only do we end up not liking these characters, but there's nothing amusing about them to start with. So why are we watching a movie about them? It's a question I kept on asking myself, hoping the next scene would provide the answer.

Why are we watching, indeed? An even better question would be why was this movie made in the first place? Surely there are scripts out there that would better serve the talents of the cast. Why was this dead-on-arrival flop deemed filmable? It doesn't even have the sense to be a memorably bad comedy, like the recent Old Dogs. It just kind of goes through the motions, almost as if it's not even really interested in making an effort to be truly bad or good. It plays out, and we wait for it to be over. The most offensive part about the film is how obvious it is in its foreshadowing. When Meryl's business assistant in New York unwisely tries to make a call to try to get in touch with her, we just know the message is going to fall into the wrong hands. When Paul and Meryl are taught how to fire a rifle, we just know it's going to play a part in the climax when the killer finally tracks them down. Even the Sheriff's expertise at throwing horse shoes plays a part later on! There's not a single moment we can't predict, because the movie keeps on dropping obvious hints throughout.
If there is an audience for this movie, I can't imagine who it would be. Fans of Grant or Parker would be better off renting their better past films. Did You Hear About the Morgans? is likely to become a tiny blip on the radar of the career of everyone involved. They'll move on to do other things, and it will never be mentioned or spoken of again. It's probably better that way.

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