The plot casts Chan as an international secret agent named Bob Ho. We see his heroics during the opening of the film, but it seems that Bob has had enough of saving the world from evil Russians who plot to manipulate the world's oil supply. He's been dating a pretty single mom who lives next door to him named Gillian (Amber Valletta), and is ready to retire from the spy business to get closer to and possibly marry her. Gillian has three kids from past marriages, and they all don't like Bob, especially oldest daughter Farren (Madeline Carroll). She still thinks her dad will come back, and get together with Gillian. The other two kids, Ian (Will Shadley) and Nora (Alina Foley) just think he's boring. Gillian has to leave to take care of her sick father, so Bob volunteers to watch over the kids. He teaches them how to stand up to bullies and not to lie, they teach him about Halloween. (I find it hard to believe an international secret agent, even a foreign one, would have absolutely no idea what Halloween is.) Meanwhile, the Russian villains start snooping around. They're after a top secret file that Ian accidentally downloaded. Fortunately, the villains are of the comical variety, not very smart, and all talk like they learned English by mimicking Boris and Natasha from the old Rocky and Bullwinkle cartoons.

This is one of those movies where there's just not really a lot to say about it. There's a subplot about a mole in the spy organization feeding information to the Russians, and Billy Ray Cyrus turns up as a fellow secret agent who helps out Jackie Chan from time to time, and that's about it. It always boggles my mind when I see a movie as bland as The Spy Next Door, and then I see multiple people credited to the screenplay. In this case, there's three people credited. Did the team of Jonathan Bernstein and James Greer (Larry the Cable Guy: Health Inspector), along with Gregory Poirier (Tomcats), really have to put their heads together for this? Aside from a few personal moments that Bob shares with Farren, the kids don't get the chance to stand out as individuals. Instead, we get some gags about Bob trying to cook for the kids (never trust a super spy to make oatmeal), and the kids chasing around the various pets they have around the house. The animals (which include a pig, a turtle, and a kitten) all provide silent commentary, giving appropriate reaction shots or double takes when something happens.

Kids will have an easier time buying all of this than adults will. They won't question things like, how did the mom know where to pick up the kids when she finds out Bob is a spy? When Bob and the kids arrive at a Chinese restaurant to hide from the Russian villains, how did one of the evil operatives get their first? How did they know they'd be at the restaurant in the first place? And why does Bob think it's a good idea to teach little Ian how to use deadly spy weapons? Does he somehow know it will come in handy later during the climax? I know, I'm not supposed to be asking these questions, but my mind does tend to wander if the movie I'm watching fails to give me anything else to think about or notice.
None of this is Chan's fault. He's as likable as ever, and it can't be easy to do the stuff he does at 55. I have no problem with him doing a family action film, he just needs to find one where the creativity did not start and end with "let's put Jackie Chan in a movie with kids". The Spy Next Door barely rises to mediocrity, and the problem is, it doesn't seem to see the harm in that.

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