10. "Ishtar will be remembered as the film Dustin Hoffman finally got right."

9. "With the magic of digital editing, we can now go back and fix such films as Casablanca."

8. "Proving that's she's more than just a pretty face and a great butt, Kathy Ireland really shines in Necessary Roughness."

7. "Beethoven's 2nd proves that there is room for sequels in tasteful family filmmaking."

6. "That Steve Guttenberg -- what an actor!"

5. "It is with great fondness that I remember losing my virginity while watching Swamp Thing."

4. "Blade Runner - One and one half stars."

3. "All of the other critics were talking about some huge plot twist in the Crying Game, but I've seen it twice and I can't figure out what it might be."

2. "OK Universal, I gave Waterworld a good review. Where's my check?"

1. "Michael Cimino is a cinematic genuius. He has a long and fruitful career ahead of him."

For those of you who don't know, the Teen Movie Critic, a relatively popular young web publisher, was recently accused of plagiarism by his idol, Roger Ebert. Worse yet, Ebert accused the young man of plagiarizing the work of dreaded critic Leonard Maltin! You can no longer read the sordid details at the TMC site, but the goings-on and discussion on the newsgroups inspired us to pen the above top ten list. Enjoy.

This review is © copyright 1996 Chris Holland & Scott Hamilton. Blah blah blah. Please don't claim that it's yours blah blah, but feel free to e-mail it to friends, or better yet, send them the URL. To reproduce this review in another form, please contact us at guys@stomptokyo.com. Blah blah blah blah.